THAT Indescribable Love

It's hard to explain in words.  No one invented or can even coin a term to describe the love that grows in your heart for a complete stranger.  Sounds crazy right?  There's quite the story behind our decision to adopt.  And I'll write about that sometime soon.  But since the moment that we finally did officially decide to adopt...God poured this special, undeniable, unconditional precious love in our hearts.
We talked about and considered adopting for over 10 years...but it was THAT moment... and that love just continues to grow and we haven't even met her yet!  Crazy!  I know but it's amazing, joyful & heartbreaking at the same time.
To describe this love, I have to write about some history to give a better understanding.  When Dale & I were dating and getting serious, I knew I had to tell him that we may not be able to have children of our own.  I knew there was something wrong with my body and at the time, the OB's and specialists could not diagnose.  He reacted calmly and reassured me..."we will walk through this together...and if we don't get pregnant...that's OK.  Maybe we adopt. "  Well long story short...we got married...and after a lot of probing, prodding, surgery, clomid, progesterone, shots, and artificial insemination, we did get pregnant.  Then, 3 years later...pregnant on our own.  It was quite the roller coaster ride physically and emotionally.
When our first son was born, I remember this gushing of love coming out of me.  Only tears of joy streamed out of me but no sound because I was so overcome by this love that I couldn't speak.   When we got pregnant again...time and time again I would think "how could I love this next child as much as I love Jake?"  How is this possible?  I would cuddle up with our 1st son, read & sing (until that fateful night He asked me not to sing:/ ha ha) and actually worry about how I could love this next baby as much as him.
Then our 2nd son was born.  And I'll never forget the feeling of this whole new gushing of love.  Not only were tears streaming out of my eyes...but I had the ugly, cry look which had my husband leaning over me with a perplexed look...asking, "are you OK?  are those tears happy or sad?"   Those were tears of a whole, new kind of joy!
So, how can I describe this love we have for Lily who IS born, who IS across the world, whom we have never met?  I can't justifiably describe it.  But, here's what I can tell you.  The love for her is no different from the love we have for our biological sons.  When I was pregnant with them...I knew I loved them but it wasn't until THAT moment they were born where THAT indescribable love started gushing in, through, out & around my heart like a waterfall.  And it's been like that everyday.   With Lily, THAT moment, THAT love was the day we officially decided to adopt.  And we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had already chosen for us and it was just a matter of time before we get to see her face, touch her nose, hug, kiss and hold her close.  She may not been born out of my womb but regardless, God chose her for us...and THAT is a love that is indescribable.
Anyone out there adopting or thinking of adopting...your "THAT" moment may not be the same as ours.  So please don't compare or think yours should be different.  Everyone has a different story because we all should have a different story.  Otherwise we'd be clones ;)  But I want to encourage those that the love for your adopted child is JUST as STRONG as any biological child you may or may not have had.  And the best advice I can give...PRAY and TRUST in God.  He is faithful!

Waiting to Bring Lily Home

Well, I'm not one to blog...I'm ole' school and not so tech-savvy.  So for those that know me...you can laugh now;)  But I do love to write and I know that there are some friends, family and probably some strangers out there that would like to follow our amazing journey to bringing Lily Home.  The purpose of this blog is to communicate but also to inspire:  faith, hope & love.  Our entire journey thus far has inspired me and certainly has proven abundant spiritual growth in our family.  It's been a "rocky boat" at times but I know when we get to our destination...it's ALL worth it!  And any of you contemplating on getting in the boat of adoption...I pray this blog helps you!   You can read more about our backstory on deciding to adopt by clicking on our "about us" Nancy & Dale profile page.

I named this blog "Sea of Grace" for a couple reasons.  One, our beautiful daughter (above) , who we have been "matched" with has a Chinese name of "Wu Hai Nuo".  The first name "Wu" is her last name but in China...they place it first.  Who knew?  She was given this name when she was found in a train station on or around her day of birth.  The name Wu has got a military connotation.  Hopefully she is not militant and giving us orders ;)  haha.  But what struck me the most is the meaning of Hai Nuo.  Hai... means "Sea" and Nuo means "Grace."   I know deep deep down...and have always known that God gave us her.  God had ...from the start... chosen her for us and us for her :)  This journey and this precious little girl has taught us a "sea of grace".  Anyone that has been in this "boat" knows how difficult and long the process can be.  Sometimes you truly feel lost at sea and wandering because you don't have any control.  But rest assured...God does provide and I feel He has filled us with abundant grace to see us through.  Ask and you shall receive!   We still have a ways to go on getting her, bringing her home and transitioning...and I pray for grace every day to make it through.  We started this journey officially in August of 2012.  It's been quite the ride and we have many stories to share:) Right now...we are approximately 4-6 weeks out of meeting our little 18 month old girl whom we have named:  Lily Ann Grace Kalman. I can not possibly describe in words the love we have for our precious daughter on the other side of this world.  But I will try in my next blog:)   Stay tuned...there's much to say & share:)