Lily's Story

I’ve mentioned writing her story in previous blogs.  But to be quite honest, there is so much awesome detail that its hard for my brain to wrap around it!

Interestingly enough, another amazing part of Lily’s story just surfaced.  Her story is not a plethora of coincidences.  Her story was woven in God’s hands and He has slowly revealed snipetts to me over time.  I’ll start with the latest.  Yesterday was Dale and my wedding anniversary.  It’s been a crazy yet incredible 14 years.  I was pondering the date with unbelief and dismay over the fact that it’s actually been 14 years!  Dates are so significant aren’t they?  They bring up so many memories such as do songs of the past.   Bubbling up inside of me was the pending date of Lily’s birthday which is 2 days after our anniversary.  Ever since we were told her birthday, which was the day she was found in a waiting room of a train station, I firmly believed God made that date to resemble something (other than the day of her birth).  I know that sounds cliche’ or cheesy but I kept mulling over that date since last October when we got that breathtaking and tearfully joyful call that we had been matched.  Well, I FINALLY figured it out!  But, let me save that to later and start at the beginning.

Lily’s story started about 12 years ago.  I know, she’s not 12…she’s 2 ;)  But her story was a seed in our hearts, planted in 2002.  Dale and I started trying to have a child, but we knew there could be challenges because there was something wrong and un-diagnosed at the time.  We talked about adoption and that if it was too difficult or impossible to have our own, we would adopt.  I was eventually diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome).  With that came many blood withdrawals for hormone testing,Clomid, progesterone, stress and the painful realization that we may not be able to have our own babies. Dale and I discussed adoption more & more and I ventured out to research and get more information.  During that time, I experienced much depression yet always found signs of hope & faith.  I felt like God was pulling me through.  Finally, I had surgery on my 4X oversized ovaries that needed to be cut down.  Nothing was working until finally after our 2nd artificial insemination in early 2004, I got pregnant with Jake.  Thankfully, there was no test-tube sperm mix-up!  It is clear that Jake is a mini-Dale ;)

Three years later, Noah came along all on his own.  We were beyond grateful and thrilled to be blessed with our boys.

Adoption was a thought in the back of our heads and a beautiful seed growing in our hearts…but not so much a reality until many years later.

“God Winks”

Little nudges along the way made me question, “what if we adopted?”  And come to find out later, Dale had the same question.  But that thought again would fade.  However, in May of 2012, the nudge became an all out pinch of awakening when I met my friend Shannon.  The moment I met her, she showed me pictures of her 3 children (2 biological and one adopted from China).  We always thought, if we adopt, we will adopt a little girl from China.  I can’t tell you why, but that was ingrained in our hearts and minds all these years.  I picked Shannon’s brain on adoption on several occasions.  In fact, Shannon gave me the name of her adoption agency that was out of Denver and told me that they were ranked the best for China adoption (CCAI).   I loved that they were out of Denver because that is where Dale and I lived for 12 years and a place he still flies to for work.  I decided that I would make an appointment with them and tag along on Dale’s next work trip.  And all of this time, I asked God for “signs.”  I like to refer to them as “God winks.”  I ask Him because I know that if He gives me his “winks”, then we are on the right path.

My alarm when off at 5:45 am.  I hardly slept that night anyway and you know how it goes with looking at your alarm all night and checking the time.  We got ready and off we went to O’Hare airport.  When we arrived we checked the screen and what do you know???  Our flight was cancelled!  My heart stopped.   Yes!!! Cancelled!  There was no bad weather!  And there were no other flights on the board to Denver that were cancelled.  We got to the airline desk and the woman told us that all the other flights were oversold AND over-booked (even the other airlines too!) She also shared that she could not get us on another flight until 4pm.  That was not going to work for our appointment or Dales work.  We took a chance and left the counter to get on a “stand-by” list for an earlier flight that was delayed.  There were several names on the list before us.  There were 2 seats showing available on the aircraft screen.  Dale said it was slim-to-none for us to get on…even him as a Premier status flier.  Immediately tears started to flow (for me).  And Dale looked at me wide-eyed…”why are you crying?, Don’t get all emotional on me now.”  He said it with sympathy because he knew what I was thinking.  And he adds, “Even though it’s slim for me to get on, if I get on and you don’t, you know I have to leave you here, right?  I’m sorry. “  I knew he had to for work…but I cried more anyway (lol!).   For months and months, we had prayed on God’s will for our life and whether this included a little girl from China.  I had struggled with fear of whether or not I would be strong enough to go through the adoption process as well as questioning how equipped I am to love another child.  Just being honest here.  In fact, after voicing this fear to my friend Amy 2 months prior, she was strongly led to share a verse with me in King James version of the Bible that was encouraging and yet another “God wink.”   Romans 8:15 “For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption,”  So despite the “God winks”…when our flight was cancelled and it was a slim chance for us to get on a plane, I  took this information as God’s way of telling me that adoption wasn’t for us.  With the fear that I had about adoption, I really wasn’t sure that I wanted another child and maybe this was what was best for us.  I wasn’t clear on my feelings.   Would I be a good enough mother for this child and my 2 sons?  But, the fact was, I was upset when our flight was cancelled.  I desperately wanted to get to Denver and have this meeting with the adoption agency.  So, I reverted again to prayer and called my friend Amy.  As crazy as it sounds, I got on the floor of the airport with all my bags surrounding me.  People busily walked by staring but I didn’t care.  I’m hunched over with my cell phone (and friend on the line) and we prayed.  Dale walks back over to me from the airline desk and looks at me with crazy eyes…like, “what are you doing?”  As I look up at the aircraft picture, seats start to open up!  Several seats open up!  I’m still kind of far down on the standby list…but amazingly enough, my name gets called!  I’m on the flight (as well as Dale).  I was seated 2 rows back from Dale.  As I was sitting there on the plane listening to the engines rev up, a thought hit me so hard that I felt like it was God talking directly to me.  “Now you know exactly how you feel about this and while you thought the door was shutting, I was making it clear to you of who exactly is in control.”  Whoa!  That was cool!  

And yet, I still asked God for more signs!  You know why?  It’s not because I lack faith, it’s because I’m like a kid!  I need encouragement and I find nothing wrong with asking my Heavenly Father for that!

We arrived in Denver and went to the CCAI office for a meeting and tour.  A lady by the name of Hillary spent well over 2 hours with us.  We walked around the large 2 story building that was lined with rows and rows of beautiful adopted children from China.  I was amazed at how many (close to 10,000).  Half way into the tour we stopped at the founder’s office and Hillary told us  more about him and his wife, Lily (coincidence? I think not!).  I had read quite a bit about them already and was already impressed.  As Hillary was talking, it hit me.  Something was very familiar about CCAI.  It was then that I was prompted to ask Hillary if they had always been at this particular location.  She said they had for the last 7 or 8 years but prior to that they were located in Littleton at such and such address.  I knew then and said, “yes, I remember…I stopped in and got an information packet 10 years ago.”   Thank you again God…for continuing to reassure me…even when I continue to ask for more.  

There were many many “God Winks” along the way but I can’t write on all of them.  But I must mention a significant wink from Him that nearly knocked me over.  A few months after starting our paperwork, we took a family trip to Beaver Creek, CO (just Dale & I and our boys).  I knew this would probably be the last family trip of four.   Our two boys were going to ski school for the first time.  The first night we visited, my youngest and I visited a cute store with a plethora of stuffed animals.  My son, Noah, wanted an owl but my eye connected with the cutest little bunny I ever saw.  There were only 2 left.  I picked it up and showed Noah and asked, “Who do you think would like this bunny?”  Without hesitation, Noah answered, “Lily.”  I smiled because my thought was the same.  Our future daughter, Lily, who we have yet to meet (nor been matched with) is exactly who I thought should have this bunny too.  I told Noah that we would put them back and come back tomorrow and get them if he tries his best at ski school.  And the next day, Noah remembered…and we went to the store as a family.   There was only one bunny left.  I told my husband that Noah & I thought we should get this bunny for Lily as her first present.  He picked the bunny and owl up and turned to pay at the register.  Just before him was a family sitting at a table.  At the very same time, we both looked at each other awestruck.  At that table was a beautiful family with two boys…one holding a white owl just like Noah’s and a precious little Asian girl holding the other bunny just like Lily’s.  I felt in that instant God telling us…”Yes, this is real. Lily is real.  And here is a real look at the family that I have always planned for you.”  Little did I know at that time… would a seedling planted in our hearts by God over 10 years ago would grow into a beautiful “Lily.”

THE Call:

Needless to say, we signed all the documents and started the adoption journey after our visit at CCAI.  Yes, there was a lot of paperwork.  But looking back, I would do more paperwork and I’d donate all my blood to have Lily.

Today, it is a very long wait to adopt a “healthy” child.  Twelve years ago when I picked up the adoption packet, it was a 6-9 month wait.  Now, it is 6-7 years.  But we were not meant to adopt back then.  It is clear to me that God had a plan.  We were meant to adopt from the “waiting child” program.  These are “special needs” children ranging from heart defects, cleft lip & palate, dwarfism, down syndrome…and on and on.  There is a list that you check off on what special needs your family can handle.  It was tough to get through it but what you can’t handle, someone else can and what you can handle, another can not.  With the “waiting child” program, the wait is a year and a half.  After months and months of paper work, we finally received our “match” call in October of 2013.  I will NEVER forget THAT call.  I was shopping at Aldi and I knew that the call had to be coming any day.  As soon as I saw the Denver area code on my cell, I knew.  I was shaking at the check out line!  The woman’s voice said, “Hi Nancy, I just wanted to let you know that we have a little angel’s file that we want to send you.”  Chills ran all through my body.  I ran to the car with my groceries and threw them inside my car.  Then, I can’t find my keys!!  I’m swearing a bit under my breath and sweating profusely looking all around for my keys!  “How in the heck did I just lose my keys!! I just opened the door with them.”  I’m on my knees crawling all over the car with my butt sticking out.  Not my best look!  Someone is in the car next to me looking at me like I’m a nut job~!  Then I finally find them behind the wheel of my car.  Wow!  I turn the ignition and roar out of the parking lot!  I’m dialing Dale’s cell.  “Hey”…he says.  “Dale, we got THE call!!!!”  “What call,” he asks.  “THEEEEEEE CALL!”  “I don’t know what you are talking about Nancy.”  I can’t even think straight to get my words to make sense.  “You KNOW!!! THE CALL from the agency!!!”  “WhaaaaaaT?”  he asks again.   “I’m coming home!  They are emailing the file!” 

You are probably wondering what it was like to open that file.  Well, we were SO nervous and excited all at the same time.  The first picture of Lily was like a “mugshot”.  It was not a good picture.  There were a couple of her just sitting on a mat wearing boy like clothes doing nothing.  Can I say that we “connected” with her immediately?  No, I can’t.  In fact, we were sick to our stomachs about it.  But, I reverted to a prayer I had prayed for a LONG time, “please God, place Lily in our hands with the first file.”  As difficult as this is to even think or consider…sometimes it is necessary to “pass” on a child due to a health issue or surprise of some kind.  I’ve heard of these instances and you can not possibly fault the adopting family on that.   But I knew in the deepest of my being with tears welled in my eyes and a huge frog in my throat that I could not possibly “pass” on a child …so God just HAD to place Lily with us the first and only time a file came across.  Back to the file…we looked at the date and they were “old” pictures.  So we called the agency and told them that the information and pictures are 6  months old and felt we should get an update.  They were gracious and agreed.  In the meantime as we waited for the update…I reviewed her medical file with a pediatric expert who looks over these files all the time.  In fact, he adopted from China four times.  The file revealed that Lily had cleft lip and palate.  Her lip was actually fixed in China when she was four months old, which is amazing!!!  And they did such a nice job!    They also included a file of her behavior and physical and mental progress.  What struck me the most is that the pediatric expert said she is a “fighter” and “smart.”  Within a couple days (which seemed like forever), we had a brief written update on Lily and new pictures.  Dale and I FOUGHT over the laptop.  We both grabbed at it like children when we saw the email from the agency!  We opened the pics and WOW!  They were excellent pictures of her playing in a bright green basket.  

October 2013

You could easily gage how smart she was playing with the cups and really studying what she could do with them.  And they dressed her like a girl!!!   Loved that too ;)  It was amazing the difference and update can do!  Truly!  We could see her personality in these pictures and fell in love instantly!  It just goes to show…don’t judge a book by the first cover ;)  God delivered!!!  With a couple of updates on Lily, our wait to bring her home was another 4 1/2 months.  That was tough!  It was hard to have her picture and not be able to just go and get her.   We knew this upfront but it’s still a rough wait.  

One update later in Dec. 2013

A BEAUTIFUL Smile!  I just wanted to hold her and kiss those sweet cheeks!

In late February 2014, we received our travel clearance!  Oh JOY!  We could not book a plane fast enough!!  And on March 10th, we were on our way in a blizzard like condition to the airport.   Thankfully, we made it and lifted off to China to bring our daughter home!  If you haven’t read the China journey…it’s all blogged virtually day by day.  Feel free to go back and check those out.  It was quite the journey!  

So, back to the revelation I had two days ago that clearly is a tremendous part of Lily’s story.  When we received her file, I saw that her birthdate was 7-17-12.  She was found that day at a train station and a hospital doctor who examined her that day believed she was born that day.  For whatever reason, I thought that there was something very significant to that date besides the fact that she was found.  What’s funny right now…and I’m smiling as I write this is…I’m actually on a train right now to meet my hubby in Chicago to celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary.  I’m never on a train!  But my daughter was found in a train station and here I am writing her story on a train.  The irony!   I did not plan this, I promise!!!  Anyway…after nearly 9 months wondering what is so special about this date (besides the obvious) …it HIT me!!!  I scrambled to my laptop to look up a United airline reservation and FOUND it!  The day that Lily was born, we were packing to go to Denver to meet with the CCAI adoption agency!  I get chills every time I think of it.  Lily was born, and I was packing a bag just like you do when you are preparing that bag to go the the hospital and deliver your baby.  I was packing in preparation to getting Lily!  Does that not just make you cry???  Makes me cry!  This was God’s plan ALL along!!  It is truly amazing!!!  Thank goodness we put our trust in Him!  

I want to end this with a prayer of hope to those that desire so deeply for a child of their own whether flesh in blood or God orchestrated from another’s womb.  The pain can be unbearable and the wait can be torturous…but resting your hope and faith in God and relinquishing control to Him will bring you through.  I thought of you this morning as I read my devotion. THIS is what got us through…for the wait of pregnancy and the wait of our adopted child.  Hold on.  With God, anything is possible.

“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.”  (George Iles)

“We who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us.  This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.  It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.”  Hebrews 6:18-19 NLT

God Bless!

Our "Miss Independent"

"Lily-Cakes"

Kalman Family "Party of 5"